jvd213inBeijing2008

“It was a dream. We live inside a dream!”
- from “Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me”

January 31, 2008: 10:35 am

Chinese phrase of the day:
Wo yao zhi shangfeng de yao. – I need something for a cold.

So, we’re now on Day 4 of my first disgustingly awful cold in China. I had to call in from work on Monday, much to my chagrin, and I was feeling a bit better on Tuesday when the real nasties swept in. I’ve tried to be a soldier and fight my way through at work the last couple of days, but I think I’m beating myself up more, rather than purging the sickness and infection. I suppose the weather isn’t doing me any favors either, as the bitter cold has continued throughout the last two weeks. Many of you have expressed concern over the Stateside news reports about severe weather throughout the country, but fortunately, most of those broadcasts are referring to the areas surrounding Beijing, where many Chinese travelers are stranded, trying to get to their hometowns for their Spring Festival holidays.

Yet again, I’ve got nothing too exciting to report, other than a few personal developments, but I’m looking forward to getting my body all healed up for a week of vacation, starting next Wednesday, the 6th (New Year’s Eve). I’m hoping to escape the confines of our “teacher’s circle” to venture out some more on my own, and I’m expecting to do some sightseeing in Beijing while many of the city’s residents are away on vacation. I’d like to make a trek out to the Great Wall fairly soon, and also get back into my scene a bit more - check out a few rock shows, and stop frequenting all these damn Western hangouts. I’ve quickly noticed that many of the teachers have built up a clique that likes to do all the stuff I’d do on a normal night back in New York or North Carolina (same sort of bars and clubs), and I really want to break away from that mentality and start to do what I came here for, which is experience the Eastern culture on a much more up-close and personal level. I figure there’s no sense in me even being here if I’m just going to hang out with Aussies, Brits, and Americans, and I’m very anxious to dig deeper into the Chinese culture and find out what makes these people tick. Our Chinese classes have been delayed (because of the absence of Chinese teachers during Spring Festival), until the next batch of teachers arrive, but I’ve been studying a lot on my own in the meantime, and I’m already starting to pick things up at a much faster rate than when I first arrived.

We’ll finally be getting our other roommate next week (another Brit), and it’s definitely going to be an interesting mix once he arrives, since his Facebook page seems to indicate that he is gay. It’s absolutely no bother or worries for me, since, of course, many of my best friends in the whole universe have alternative lifestyles of their own. Can you imagine – a Pakistani-born Muslim, a British homosexual, and a crazy American freak like me? Sort of reminds me of “The Jew, the Italian, and the Redhead Gay” (that’s a “State” reference for those who are completely lost). Anywhoo, I’ve already spoken with him on a number of occasions through email and phone conversations, and he seems like a really nice kid, so it will be fascinating to see how the apartment dynamic changes once he moves in (maybe he’ll help me keep the place clean, unlike every other roommate I’ve ever had!!! Oops – I’m venting a little…)

“On with the chlorophyll…” Since many of you have been bursting with curiosity over my latest fling, which I spoke ever so briefly about in one of my previous entries, I will indulge you (just a bit) with some news from that front. To speak bluntly and matter-a-fact, regrettably, I had to “nip that situation in the bud”. Look, I’ve only been here less than a month, and for the first time in my entire life, I’ve got lots of women that actually want my attention. I’ve already had to quell a little jealousy from one of the girls inside the teacher camp, and the Chinese women - albeit, for reasons unknown to me – think I’m (excuse my French, here) some seriously hot shit. Now, I know I’m not an ugly dude, per se, but there have been girls here (including many of my students) that have compared me to David-freakin’-Beckham (of course, I’m not stupid, I know it’s not true, too! It’s just the hair!), and I might be the straightest guy alive, but I can tell you that that’s one good-looking mofo! Anywhoo, let’s just say, I’m not tying myself down just yet. Let’s look around a bit, try to use this newfound confidence to my advantage, don’t you think?

On to my last little rant - which may be of even less interest than my personal exploits to some (okay, okay, to most) – but, in relation to my quote at the top of this post, I have to comment on the bizarre series of dreams that I’ve been having the last few weeks.

Now, I’ve always been quite a dreamer. I remember, as a child, having a few reoccurring dreams that would scare me back into my parents’ bedroom - or rather, have me scream out for my dad to take me to my parents’ bedroom. Those dreams were absolutely terrifying, and I can still remember, to this day, the details of those horrific nightmares. But, as an adult, no matter how vivid my dreams may have been, it is rarely that I’m ever able to wake up and remember those events that have occurred in the realm of Sleep. Sometimes, as we all may do, a whisper of the dream might linger on for just a few moments, but as the morning starts, and we go about our daily activities, that whisper drifts away, beyond reality’s bounds.

Now, many of you may not know this, but many months ago, when my mind was racing day-and-night about what step I next wanted to take with my life, it was a very vivid dream that prompted my initial search into traveling abroad, and specifically, looking East for a new sense of adventure. Since that very night, whenever Romero (my wittle doggie, for those of you that don’t know) didn’t wake me up and ruin it, I’ve tried diligently to record the events of my dreams into a small journal, which I’ve kept on the nightstand beside my bed. Sometimes, as in my past, those dreams are fleeting, and I’m only able to record a fraction of an idea, or a tiny remnant of an impression that the dream may have left on me. Other times, on much more infrequent occasions, I end up scrawling an intricate little story, writing as fast as I can to account for what I may have seen behind my eyes.

Now, for the past few weeks, as strange and ridiculous as it may sound, I feel like I have been living two lives – one, my every day adventures, here, in my new surroundings, and another, as Lovecraft so eloquently put it, “Beyond the Wall of Sleep”. Now perhaps it’s due to my increase in reading habits as of late, or possibly, due to my desire to share David Lynch and all of his bizarre mysteries with my new friends, but for some reason or another, my dreams have become more and more distinct lately, leaving increasingly graphic images imprinted on my waking life. When I wake up, oftentimes drenched in sweat, I’m able to see a clear and linear story that has taken place during my hours of slumber. It’s really very odd. Many of you, both friends and family, seem to be visiting me, interwoven into some nightly phantasm that spells out a kind of new chapter in my life. I sincerely hope, as these dreams sometimes do tell, that there is not something I have done to disappoint you, neglect you, or anger you, to the point where my subconscious is haunting me for things that I have or have not done. I only say this, perhaps selfishly, to lift the burden of guilt that seems to be the ever-present theme of these nightly illusions. I hope that my mind is not trying to tell me that I have, am, or will, hurt the people that mean so much to me. And, if that is the case, I hope that I can offer you some kind of solace through these written words, or that you can know through the love that I often attempt to illustrate, that I am more devoted to our friendships and relationships than ever before, if even, they are from the longest of distances. If there is something you want to tell me, something you want to reveal, know that I am always here, I am always with you, and from now on, I am listening…

Trackback URI | Comments RSS